Chapter 3: OH. MY. GOD.

What, on earth am I doing? It’s really happening.

Chapter 2 of Peter's Midlife Crisis Saga

Well folks, I've come to a momentus decision.... I'm off, outa here, vamoos, gone, bye-bye outa sight. So long, South Africa, and good bye to a time in my life that has been momentous for me, and which has ushered in great changes to my soul. As you know, Morgan merged with Chase Bank and the threat of redundancy or at least reassingment has loomed for months and months, driving me crazy! Basically, though, just this last Monday after much soul searching, I've decided to actively pursue the redundancy, and not seek a new job in a hurry. I'm gonna travel, visit Australia, might go to Bali for a bit with a girlfriend from SA, then on to visit old friends in Hong Kong and LA, before cooling my heals for while with my Mum and brother in Vancouver, and with Ruth and Jennifer in Toronto, to see if we can't get a little bun in the oven(s). Then New York and London. Thereafter who knows???? I'm going to cast myself on the winds of chance and see where I get blown. I'm excited and nervous at the same time...

Anyway the universe is clearly working and turning its cogs to effect this change. All the music I listen to right now seems to carry a message of change for me. It tells me about the need for change, but to be secure in the everlastingness of friendship. Llew left for London 4 nights ago - I keep finding things of his around the house and it's kinda wrenching; I miss him. Francinah my lovely domestic worker found another job and has moved out. My beloved home - which is the nicest place I've ever lived - has sold (I was renting) and this is sad as I've been really happy here. And of course the work situation is just not giving me enough interesting options to make me want to stay.

And, if one looks for the signs they are all over! Out of the blue, the other day, I got a letter from my childhood best friend, the first person whom I loved outside of my family, and whom I hadn't heard from in over 8 years, to tell me that she's about to upend her life by leaving her husband and three kids because she's realized after years of repressing it that she is gay. And I realized this morning that if she can have the courage to do that, in order to find out who she is, then I certainly can have the courage not to go scurrying back into some little mundane investment bankers' job.

I'll miss my friends here, and I'll miss the Joburg ease of life, and I'll miss my car, and I'll miss the wonderful huge sky at dusk when the horizon glows violet and pink, and the smell of the air on a sunny morning. I'll miss the terrific lightening storms, and the deli on 4th Avenue and Kung Fu kitchen takeaway with the red lantern in the window. I'll miss the jacarandas in bloom, and Cinema Nouveau and the African bush just outside the city limits, and the diversity of the people, and the iron-red soil, and the smell of the air on a sunny morning at around 9am. So, I'm full of sadness. But I gotta go. As Michelle Yeoh's character said in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (great movie, a Must See): "Whatever path you follow in life, be true to yourself."

That's all for now. More to follow, with new e-mail details etc at a later date.

Miss ya lots like jelly tots