Chapter 1: Christmas Catch Up Greetings

Hellloooooooooo folks

Gawds, well it is probably a long time since you've heard from me. "Howzit?", as they say down here. The South African equivalent of American: "Whassup?" or Eliza Doolittle's "How do you do?" I don't even know where to begin, except to say that I am still in South Africa, with my life turned quite upside down. About 2 months ago, Llew and I decided to part ways, after 4 great years together. It was quite difficult, and very sad, cause I think we really still love each other, but it just had stopped working for us, and we couldn't seem to find a way to make it work. One day I'm sure we'll be really good friends. Llew, is off to London in January. He passed his exams (which is great!) and has landed an incredible job - I can't tell you how much money, but it's oodles and oodles, car and housing! Not bad for first year qualified, eh?

As for me, I'm finding singledom really....well..... bizarre. Liberating but also somewhat unnerving. I mean, it's not as if I didn't get to have my fun at times in both of my relationships with Ian and with Llew, but now I just feel so.... single. It's not that I'm having tons of sex, see * below). It's just that I'm spending tons of time by myself which is good, but weird for me. I have no one but myself to be responsible to, and I drive myself nuts trying to arrange things to do in the evenings.... and then on the nights when my frantic efforts fail, and I am just going home after gym on my own, I actually find I'm really surprised to enjoy my own company! My two cats are delightful, soooo affectionate and friendly, though they've taken to using my kilim covered armchair as a scratching post. I've threatened them with death, declawing, deportation, but none of my threats are working! Still, they are the sweetest little animal friends anyone could ever hope for. I'm also spending tons of time in the gym, which I'm really enjoying, seeing tons of movies (go see Snatch, it's really great, despite what the cynical critics say)

(* I have a number of boys chasing me, but they fall in to one of four categories (well, three and half really since one category is a temporary phenomenon and in soon metamorphoses back into one of the others:

1) ugly as a hog's ass

2) psycho

3) hairdressers

4) fall in love with the first kiss but won't have sex on the first, second, third, or fourth date, and when you dump them on the fifth date (after too much kissing and not enough nookie) they go all weird and start stalking you, thus completing their metamorphosis into category 2 above.

Anyway, enough about sex. As for work, I'm living under suffrance with the J.P. Morgan/Chase merger. I sit during the day through endless Merger Integration Meetings, and if I hear the phrases "unparalleled platform for excellence", "astounding synergies to become the pre-eminant global investment bank", "breathtaking global opportunity" even one more time I shall assuredly throw up. Recently we had our work Xmas party; the wankers made it black tie - which I hate, so goddamn pretentious - so I went all in black, very cool and Matrix-like. As the only out gay investment banker in the office with tattoos, they think I'm totally bizarre. I ended up getting quite potted (one glass of champagne, one apple sour shooter, one glass champagne, one B52 shooter, one glass of champagne etc). But I had a good time as far as these things go, and moreover, managed to avoid having my mouth run out of control, telling my bosses what I really thought of them, of J.P. Morgan, of the merger etc.

I don't know what will come once the merger starts settling down in the New Year into real job cuts, however. Morgan/Chase unfortunately do not see a role for me in my current job (overlap with someone cheaper and also quite well respected in the other firm. And they are, despite hypocritically claiming at the beginning of this merger that it was not about cost cutting, decided to slash thousands and thousands of jobs. I shouldn't write about this anymore, since it's just getting me all upset again, and we don't want that. Anyway, perhaps I will move on to another post within the new firm in London or NY but no one can tell me if the possible jobs will exist until February. So until then I'm in limbo. And of course if they do come off I'll have to get used all anew to London's atrocious weather and tube system and expense and hassle. And if I went to NY, I'd have to live in a country run by the World's Biggest Ignoramus. Maybe instead I should opt for a nice little retrenchment package and go and work for an asset manager in my beloved Capetown. Of maybe I should just take the nice little retrenchment package (gulp my middle class insecurities rise up in orchestrated revolt as I write this) and just cast myself on the winds of chance, and see where they blow me. I'm going to Australia in February (with Ian Temple, my ex. I've always wanted to go to Oz, and maybe that will be IT! Maybe I'll stay and open, oh, I dunno, a juice bar or sommink.

For Christmas, I'm going down to Capetown, as per usual. Actually I'm really looking forward to it, as a number of good friends from London will be visiting, and it's always fun: parties in the evening, beach in the day, sex in between, and thank Gawd, no thoughts of work! I plan to do quite a bit of hiking as well, the mountains are stunningly beautiful, and did you know that the 6th plant kingdom - of the fynbos, which basically means "fine bush" in Afrikaans - is actually in the coastal areas of the Western Cape province around Capetown. It covers less than .06% of the world's landmass, but has more plant species than the entire northern hemisphere put together. Peter Worthington, natural history trivia fanatic.

What of the other people in my life? My Mum is in love with her 84 year old man, and has never been happier. They went to Mexico recently, and in fact seem to be gallavanting around the world nonstop. I'm sooooo happy for her. There is hope for us all. Martin has moved to the West End, away from the turgid North Shore and is now working steadily in the IT industry. I think he's quite happy tho'. Ruth and Jennifer and I are still trying for kids but our opportunities to bring sperm and egg together are somewhat limited. No bun in the oven yet. We're set to try again in the New Year.

Well, that's all for now, folks. I just wanted to write and say hi, and how R U, and all my best wishes for Christmas and 2001. I'm the world's worst correspondent but you're in my thoughts sooooo often. I'll be driving to work, as Joburg's amazing summer sun peeps above the horizon and a memory of someone I love will pop into my mind as the Corrs are playing on the stereo. Drop me a line sometime; it would be great to chat.